Chronicles of a Frustrated Musician

 

I woke up one sunny morning with “Tindahan ni Aling Nena” yelling on air. It was my eldest sister who played that trusty UltraElectroMagneticPop! cassette tape. I joined her by singing, “Wala… wala… ahh… ahh… oh Diyos ko!”.

I was glued on MTV Asia. One afternoon, the VJs announced that there’d be a contest for youngsters who have a band and original compositions. Suddenly, I remembered that I wrote my very first song entitled “Still Young”. So upon arriving in school, I asked two of my best buddies to help me form a band. “I’ll be the keyboardist”, I initiated. We planned and planned but we never really joined the contest. Wyrd won. Lucky them.

Those were the blast-from-the-past scenes from the 90’s. Fast forward to 2000 and counting.

I began to enjoy listening and appreciating different genres. Blame my siblings (and my parents too) for all these musical influences. I began to ponder and wonder what would happen if I’d be a musician someday.

When I started living independently in Manila, I began to explore the world of rock ‘n roll. I would stay through the mosh pits of a free concert in Marikina. I’d probably be seen lurking at Sunken Garden while waiting for the performance of some of my favorite underground bands in U.P. Fair. Sometimes, I’d splurge my allowance and follow my favorite bands in their mall tours and bar gigs. When I got close to a local ska group, it was then when I started to realize the ups-and-downs, good-and-bad rock ‘n roll lifestyle. I guess, it’s never easy at all. One should be dedicated to his craft in order to survive the scene.

From that insight, I still wished to be in a band. I sometimes daydream on beating the drums ala Raimund M. or playing the piano like Billy Corgan. I also like to be that violinist on Dexys Midnight Runners’ “Come on Eileen” fame. But I think I will not be one. Will never be one. I’m just a frustrated musician.

This year has been the start of my so-called true “rocking” career. I was not just exposed to the true underground local scene; I also befriended some of the best people of this world. Yes, I am still not a musician. I help out in spreading the music of my friends’ band as well as the other indie bands whose music I appreciate. That’s all.

Then, I began to reflect on my “goal”. So, what if I’m not that musician who plays on stage? What if I am not that person who wows the audience? I now think otherwise. I can sing “Five Chocolate Cakes in the Baker Shop” in order for my pre-school students to learn counting. I can also sing “Twinkle, twinkle, little star” when these kids need to rest. Yeah, I think, that is what I really am. A MUSICIAN BY HEART.